“It’s all or nothing.”
I have been thinking about this mentality a lot lately.
So I did a little research… (because, when curious, google it!)
“All-or-nothing mentality, which can also be called black-or-white thinking, is when things are either seen as “all good” or “all bad”.
“When thinking in all-or-nothing terms, you split your views into extremes. Everything—from your view of yourself to your life experiences—is divided into black-or-white terms. This leaves room for little, if any, gray area in between.”
This type of thinking can also include an inability to see the alternatives in a situation or solutions to a problem. So oftentimes, if we can not do it or give it “ALL”, it is easier to not even engage, which keeps us stuck, unhealthy, and miserable.
I’ve seen this thinking in many of my clients and if I am being honest, my own life. All or nothing thinking lends us to believe there is only one way to do something, only one way it can be to be considered successful. And often, we have this mentality that whenever things are not “perfect”, then it’s considered a failure.
I used to be an all or nothing kinda person.
But I quickly realized I was pretty much sabotaging myself from moving forward and taking action because of this mentality.
For me, I recently realized that working out was a good example of this. Side note, how we do one thing is how we do anything, so once I started notifying the pattern in one area, I quickly could see it in others!
My plan was to wake up early and get it done first thing in the morning. I intended to do at least 30 minutes of working out. (so this was how and when I expected that I “should” be doing it)
So, I set these expectations.
And I noticed that if I didn’t get up early enough, or didn’t have the 30 minutes. I wouldn’t do it at all.
And then would later on beat myself up for not just getting up and getting it done, or being disciplined, or even as far as saying, “I am so lazy”.
Naturally, I didn’t even realize I was doing this until one day I started seeing articles about breaking down your work out into 10 minute stints of movement. And then, I participated in a training for busy, working moms about how to maximize productivity in your day when you only had a little bit of time. And things started to click.
My mind was blown, I realized I had an opportunity to do more with less! So I gave it a try.
Eventually, I embraced the idea of doing what I could in the time I had. So, if I woke up late, I would do a quick 10 or 20 minute workout. And instead of feeling like that wasn’t enough, I began to train my mind to say “great job, you moved today!” Or I would say something like, “10 minutes is better than not doing it at all.”
The more I positively and encouragingly spoke to myself, the more I was able to start to see that I could actually do more with less. So, when I find myself with 10 or 20 minutes in my day, I take that opportunity to squeeze in some movement, do a meditation, make a phone call or write an email. I had this weird belief about time. If I didn’t have a certain amount of it, it wasn’t worth starting something because I didn’t think I could finish it.
I began to realize that instead of thinking, “it is not enough, so why bother?”
So, I started to think, “what can I do with the time I have?” I then started showing up for myself more and more, and began to then feel the true meaning of progress vs. perfection. This shift has helped me get out of my own way, start taking steps towards my goals, feeling more confident in myself because of the promises I was keeping, and I am having more fun!
So, ask yourself:
- “where am I noticing patterns of all or nothing thinking?”
- “where am I looking for things to be “perfect”?”
- “what is another way of looking at this”
- “how can I experiment and try a new approach”
to whatever it is you feel you are getting stuck on.
And when in doubt, call a coach. You would be surprised to see how one small change in one area of your life can trickle into all areas of your life in a positive way!
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