Category: Kristine Iandiorio

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The Middle Is MESSY!

The middle is messy.

Yet, difficult to recognize when you are in it.  It just feels messy, uncomfortable, and out of your control. 

But what I have noticed is that once you are aware that you are “in the middle”, it’s so much easier to navigate. 

In Brene Brown’s book, Rising Strong, she says “You can’t skip day 2”… 

So, what happens on day 2 and why can’t you skip it?

Let’s start with Day 1.  

Think about a time you started something new.  You probably feel excited and open to possibility, you feel ready change and you may feel nervous and excited at time same time EEEKK (ie. the first day of a new job, new diet, new relationship, new assignment at work, any time it’s your first time doing something!  … DAY 1, the start, the beginning ….), 

However, once that honeymoon phase fades away, something new can suddenly feel really hard.  The middle, day 2.  It’s common when starting something new.  You want to have the feeling that you “know what you are doing” and are confident in yourself and the direction you are going….. 

However, as with anything new, it can feel like the complete opposite and it can often feel like a struggle.

How can you make it easier?  Can we skip day 2?!?!?

The answer is NOPE.

THE MIDDLE IS MESSY!  Yet, it’s a crucial part of the process.  You can not skip the middle in your process of GROWTH, no matter what it is.  When you are growing (in the middle of change and something new), you feel uncertain, vulnerable, unfamiliar, and it feels like struggle covered in insecurity and self doubt.  

It is normal to feel resistance and to feel like you want to give up, yet you must stay the course.  

Day 3 is where you feel like you’ve made it.  It feels easier, you are in a groove, you created the new habits, the work you are doing is “familiar”, you feel in flow and like you are in control.  

It’s like the new job where it seemed impossible that you would ever figure it all out, but then suddenly, it all clicks.

It’s like being a new mom where you feel like you have no idea what you are doing, but suddenly you figure it out (kinda LOL)

I mean, who doesn’t LOVE the feeling of Day 3?!?!?!!?

We all do.  

But how can we begin to recognize and acknowledge that “day 2” is a necessity.  It is part of the process, it is where the growth happens.

Often times we do not realize we are in “day 2” (and day 2 usually lasts much more than a day!).   You may feel resistance, self doubt, and very unsure if you are where you are meant to be.  It’s super uncomfortable, but so normal.  

However, once you begin to acknowledge that you are in the middle of the mess and “in the thick of it”, things can start to shift.  

To acknowledge that it’s hard, that you do not have all the answers, that you have to trust that your decisions and choices you are making, and that you will course correct and continue to move forward. 

Questions to ask yourself when you are in the middle are …

  • “What is the opportunity here?”, 
  • “How can I have more fun with this?”,  
  • “How can I shift my thinking to the idea that “I am learning” vs “I am failing”?
  • “How can I take the pressure off so I begin to become more curious versus judgemental?”
  • “How do I find gratitude in the journey?”

“The middle is messy, but that is where the magic happens” Brene Brown.  That is where you learn, grow, become resilient and transform!

Use the questions above to make the journey that much more enjoyable!

Going through the messy middle?  Starting something new and feeling like working with a coach may help?  Not sure where to start?  

I help women create change in their lives so they can have the confidence to make decisions that allow them to finally feel free.  Book a free discovery call with me to learn more!

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How I was letting my “all or nothing” mentality stop me

“It’s all or nothing.”  

I have been thinking about this mentality a lot lately.  

So I did a little research… (because, when curious, google it!)

“All-or-nothing mentality, which can also be called black-or-white thinking, is when things are either seen as “all good” or “all bad”.

“When thinking in all-or-nothing terms, you split your views into extremes. Everything—from your view of yourself to your life experiences—is divided into black-or-white terms. This leaves room for little, if any, gray area in between.”

This type of thinking can also include an inability to see the alternatives in a situation or solutions to a problem.  So oftentimes, if we can not do it or give it “ALL”, it is easier to not even engage, which keeps us stuck, unhealthy, and miserable.  

I’ve seen this thinking in many of my clients and if I am being honest, my own life.  All or nothing thinking lends us to believe there is only one way to do something, only one way it can be to be considered successful. And often, we have this mentality that whenever things are not “perfect”, then it’s considered a failure.

I used to be an all or nothing kinda person.

 
But I quickly realized I was pretty much sabotaging myself from moving forward and taking action because of this mentality.

For me, I recently realized that working out was a good example of this. Side note, how we do one thing is how we do anything, so once I started notifying the pattern in one area, I quickly could see it in others!

My plan was to wake up early and get it done first thing in the morning.  I intended to do at least 30 minutes of working out.  (so this was how and when I expected that I “should” be doing it)  

So, I set these expectations. 

And I noticed that if I didn’t get up early enough, or didn’t have the 30 minutes. I wouldn’t do it at all.

And then would later on beat myself up for not just getting up and getting it done, or being disciplined, or even as far as saying, “I am so lazy”.  

Naturally, I didn’t even realize I was doing this until one day I started seeing articles about breaking down your work out into 10 minute stints of movement.  And then, I participated in a training for busy, working moms about how to maximize productivity in your day when you only had a little bit of time.  And things started to click.  

My mind was blown, I realized I had an opportunity to do more with less!  So I gave it a try.

Eventually, I embraced the idea of doing what I could in the time I had.  So, if I woke up late, I would do a quick 10 or 20 minute workout.  And instead of feeling like that wasn’t enough, I began to train my mind to say “great job, you moved today!” Or I would say something like, “10 minutes is better than not doing it at all.” 

The more I positively and encouragingly spoke to myself, the more I was able to start to see that I could actually do more with less.  So, when I find myself with 10 or 20 minutes in my day, I take that opportunity to squeeze in some movement, do a meditation, make a phone call or write an email.  I had this weird belief about time. If I didn’t have a certain amount of it, it wasn’t worth starting something because I didn’t think I could finish it.  

I began to realize that instead of thinking, “it is not enough, so why bother?”

So, I started to think, “what can I do with the time I have?”  I then started showing up for myself more and more, and began to then feel the true meaning of progress vs. perfection.  This shift has helped me get out of my own way, start taking steps towards my goals, feeling more confident in myself because of the promises I was keeping, and I am having more fun!  

So, ask yourself:

  • “where am I noticing patterns of all or nothing thinking?”
  • “where am I looking for things to be “perfect”?”
  • “what is another way of looking at this”
  • “how can I experiment and try a new approach”

to whatever it is you feel you are getting stuck on. 

And when in doubt, call a coach. You would be surprised to see how one small change in one area of your life can trickle into all areas of your life in a positive way! 

Click here to set up a free discovery call today!

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A Story About Fear.

A story about FEAR.

A few weeks ago Tracy Hensel asked me if I was interested in conducting a “live” coaching session on her You Tube channel for her viewers to learn more about what a one on one session looks like.  At first, my head said, “um, no way”  

I immediately felt RESISTANCE, which is so normal when you are asked to do something uncomfortable and unfamiliar.  Resistance is associated with fear, I wanted to run away and hide.

Fear by definition is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat” 

Our body feels fear first.  When Tracy asked the question, I felt the fear and resistance in my body (some examples of feeling fear are chest tightens, heart starts beating faster, throat closes, stomach drops), but I paused long enough (and didn’t respond “NO WAY!” right away like my mind wanted me to), and my conscious mind stepped in, “Wait, there is no danger, no threat.  Of course you feel uncomfortable, you will be putting yourself out there so a lot of fears pop up (fear of looking stupid, fear of what others will think, fear of failure) however, you are safe and you CAN do hard things”  I knew that the feeling of resistance was telling me EXACTLY what I need to do, so I responded “YES”

Of course, I am still feeling discomfort and I have this mixture of nervous excitement about the whole thing.  My mind keeps trying to keep me safe, for example, I have a little imposter syndrome (like, who am I to think I can live on a You Tube channel for all to see?!?!?”) and moments of, “oh no, are you sure you want to go through with this?” but I know better and I know not to listen to my mind in those moments. 

Like everyone, I have had these moments of fear and resistance before (only now because of the mindfulness work that I do and I teach, I know how to manage it!!), and instead of letting it completely consume me, I can shift my thinking about it.  So instead, I ask myself “How can I make this more fun?”,  “How can I use this as a learning experience?”, “How do I want to show up? I can focus on that” and my favorite, shifting to gratitude, “Thank you, I am grateful for this experience”

While the fear is still there, shifting my thoughts around it helps tremendously.  It enables me to go from powerless and emotional, to feeling powerful.  And I also remember WHY I said YES, because it’s a pretty cool opportunity, I love coaching and want more people to understand the impact of it and how special it really is, and we only grow from challenging ourselves so playing small and staying safe isn’t what I am here for.

Will it be perfect, ummm, no, nothing is. 

But progress over perfection, and simply showing up, as my best, most authentic self, and doing my best to create a safe, open space for my client is the goal here.  I look at this as one more experience to enjoy, learn, and grow from!  

I hope you will join me tomorrow, Wednesday May 19 at 6PM EST for Hensel Coaching and Consultings first (hopefully of many!) live coaching on You Tube!  If you like what you see, or are curious yourself of coaching and how you can benefit from it, schedule a FREE discovery call with me.  

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I love this quote on fear, so much comes up for me when I read it!  Hope it brings up some thoughts for you too!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles” 

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A Journey to Our Truest Self

Coaches Need Coaches Too

I recently hired a coach (because coaches have coaches!) to help me specifically with my business.  I also have a coach who is more of a life coach, (because well, life!!).   So, with my business coach, I have outlined very clear goals around my brand, my messaging, and how I show up as an entrepreneur (I kept saying, I do not want to treat my coaching business as a hobby).  

It’s Okay To Ask For Help

Asking for help is not easy for so many of us, but I remember at one point saying to myself “you don’t need to be the hero”.  This idea has been life changing for me when I think about doing something new and unfamiliar, I always felt like it was my job to figure it out, like I should “know”.  Leaning on someone else’s expertise has only helped me get to where I want to be faster and with a new perspective that embraces learning new things and not feeling bad about myself when I do not know things.

I’ve been thinking a lot about who I serve lately.  Slowing down, taking inventory of the women I help and what the common themes that we work on are, as well as what I enjoy talking about.  I realize a lot of this work brings me back to the woman I was before I did all this “inner work.” 

I will call her  “Old me” 

Learning A New Me

“Old me” always felt unbalanced.  I lived my life teetering on the idea of showing up and doing all that was expected of me, what I “should” be doing, looking for approval/validation/permission from others (hello, people pleasing).  This “unbalance” always felt like I was never doing “enough”, like there was something more to life, feeling stuck, and feeling like something was missing that I needed to allow me to feel happy and fulfilled.

“Old me” focused on being a “good girl” and following the rules, not stepping out of line, talking out of turn, doing something “wrong” and bringing attention to myself for fear I would get “in trouble”.  I use “air quotes” because these are the rules I took on and applied to my life.  Rules of society, my parents, my teachers, those around me.  And, in many cases, those rules served me well.  

Not letting old me hold me back

HOWEVER, they also held me back.  They caused me to not trust myself when navigating life once I became of age to do so.  I didn’t take risk and instead, chose the safe route that I had created by following the logical path.  I struggled to have confidence, to know who I truly was, what I really wanted, because I was always looking outside myself to hear “I give you permission” to do the thing.

What I know now, that I didn’t know then, is that my inner voice was giving me clues.   And to slow down to hear it, to trust myself to listen, and to give MYSELF permission.  To break the rules I had created for myself.

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I am not alone, which is why I share with all of you.   I work with women in their quarter-life to mid-life crisis years who want to build their confidence and to trust themselves to be brave and do hard things.  A lot that comes up when we start to work through why we are not where we want to be in life, or feeling how we want to feel.  When we realize it’s our own set of rules that are holding us back, that is where the fun begins.  We see we have choices, we can create the life we want, on our terms and the only permission we need is our own.  If you can relate to teetering through life, and find your confidence, use your voice, and stand in your power, message me for a 1:1 consult.  

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A Reflection on A 30-day Challenge

I started a 30 day meditation challenge about 22 days ago. 

And it has really made me think about habits, routine, and also, setting aside time to connect to myself.  I’ve always enjoyed meditation, but feel like because I never made it part of my routine, it was a very random and inconsistent practice.  So, it never felt intentional and like it made a true impact. Many moons ago I had attempted a “miracle morning” where I woke up early and followed a practice of meditating, journaling, affirmations, and reading something related to personal development.  I enjoyed that but it didn’t stick for me for some reason.  

At the start of this September when my kids went back to school, I started to commit to early mornings again. This time, I began by working out first thing in the morning, prior to my family waking.  I actually LOVE this and feel so energized and by the time I get my kids off to school, I have worked out, showered, and am ready for the day.   In my head, I had every intention of spending time meditating and some self-work at some point throughout my day after that, but you know how it goes, the day just gets away from you and suddenly in bed, exhausted and it never happened. 

So, when I signed up for this challenge, I was excited to commit to myself and knew I needed to be disciplined to do it.

Scheduling time to do it would be the best way to make it happen (like actually scheduling an appointment with myself on my calendar) and keeping the appointment with myself just like I would anyone else.  I was sharing all of this with a friend (and fellow coach) recently, and she said – try to add it to your current routine because that is already in place and it’s working and I liked this idea.  I had already created the habit of waking early, working out, showering and getting the kids off to school.  That was a routine that is currently in place.  So I have been adding meditation and self work (such as journaling and belief work) to follow dropping the kids off at school.  

Now, it’s so easy to get distracted and get off track. 

But what has helped me be consistent 95% of the time is sticking to this routine.  Come home, do the work.  Not come home, check the laundry, do the dishes in the sink, check my phone, send that email…. You know all the distractions.  But I am creating a new habit, and honestly, it is working for the most part.  I feel the benefits of it.  

Because I am staying committed and I keep repeating this practice, it is becoming a discipline (like a new behavior, habit). By keeping promises to myself and actually doing what I set out to do, being disciplined leads to confidence (I trust myself, I am accomplishing what I set out to do!!).  That confidence becomes change (making new choices), and over time change becomes transformation.  The easiest example of this is fitness, you may not see the physical change at first and you may not feel like it’s working, but over time, you do see the impact of your consistency and efforts.  It’s the same for your mental health and overall wellbeing or any new habit you are looking to create.

In addition to the 30 day meditation challenge, I also added 5 minutes of silence to be done throughout my day. 

Why?  Because I LOVE how I feel in the mediation and I realize when life starts getting all crazy, I want to drop back into that feeling of calm, ease, and connection that I felt earlier in the day.  I also realize that stepping away from everything happening around me is extremely helpful for creativity, ideas, and connecting to my inner knowing and desires.  So for 5 minutes, I drop into myself, do some deep breathing (such as box breathing, where you close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, release your breath for 4 counts, and pause for 4 counts.  Repeat 3x and go super slow on the counting).  Or I will just sit, look outside at greenery for 5 minutes (or even better, go outside, be in nature which has so many benefits!), let myself just 5 and let my mind get clear.

I think it can be scary to “not” be doing.  Silence can be uncomfortable for so many of us.  Often we do, do, do or we numb out (like scrolling social media for example) to possibly avoid a problem or situation or just something that we do not want to do. It makes sense that it is uncomfortable, it is quite unfamiliar in our go, go, go society.  But it is so helpful to begin to connect to yourself. 

Like anything in life, start small. 

5 minutes of silence a day.  Why not give it a try?  See how it feels, what comes up for you.  At first you may feel resistance (tension in your body, you can not sit still, you think “I can not do this”) but set a timer on your phone.  Give it a few days, before you know it, 5 minutes will fly by without that resistance and you may actually begin to crave it.  

If you are curious about creating new habits that support you as your best self, or feel like you have tried and can not seem to be consistent, set up a discovery call (it’s free!).  You can walk away with some clarity on what has been limiting your or getting in your way, and you can also identify a new habit to go forward with.  Small, tiny new choices consistently will lead to change and true transformation.   Too often I see people giving up on themselves too easily, stop doing that!  You can create the life you want, one small habit at a time!

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IMPORTANT: You Are Not Alone

Don’t forget to check in on your strong friend….

This quote came up in a conversation with some coach friends recently.  We were saying how things lately have felt unusually hard, a little depressing, and like we could not shake the feeling.  I really related to this as I too have had my moments.  

Coincidentally, later that day, I saw someone share an article from Huffington Post Women on Instagram titled “It is not you.  A lot of us are hitting a pandemic wall.”   And I noticed the connection, it made a lot of sense, the feeling of burn out, managing expectations, continuing to live through restrictions, fear, and uncertainty for “a little bit longer.”   

I shared the article on my social media, which resonated with so many, and one friend replied, “A good winter can be tough.  A pandemic winter can be crippling”… and well, it really hit home!  (I live in NY, so our winters are cold and outdoor life is pretty much not an option, so I’ve felt a bit isolated and honestly, tired of pandemic life).   

As a coach, what I have noticed during this time (and during any conversation that sometimes is a little more emotional and heavier than a traditional coaching conversation focused around goals, intentions, and taking action) is that sometimes it is a matter of simply talking to someone, sharing what is on your heart and your mind, and dare I say venting.  I am usually the person who will preface a complaint with “I am not one to like to complain  ….”  Yet I caught myself saying that recently and thought to myself, “it is ok to give myself a moment, to accept that I am feeling a certain way about something, to pause and understand what I am feeling and why I am feeling that way”  

We are women, moms, daughters, friends, leaders, team members….

We wear so many hats, and often times we stand strong for others.   However, there is only so much we can do for others without acknowledging what we are managing.  So, it is ok to take a moment and release the notion that we “have it all together” or to bypass our feelings and make like they are not taking a toll on us.

I’m embracing the choice to take ownership of how I feel, having compassion for myself, acknowledging that things are hard, and it is ok to pause and take a moment because I am tired, drained, overwhelmed, all of the above.

However, I have a choice, and I know this.  Each day is a new day with the opportunity for a new perspective.  When I find myself “down”, I observe myself, and then I will do something to disrupt the pattern and “shake things up”.  If I continue to sit in my moments, and do nothing differently, that is exactly where I will stay.   Awareness is the most important thing, creating a new choice based on that awareness is where the magic happens.   

Here are some things that help me “shake things up” and make a new choice, set a new mood, and have a new perspective …

  • Breathe – close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and breathe in and out slowly and deeply
  • Meditate – there are so many guided meditations
  • Journal – just free flow, write what is on your mind, observe and acknowledge your feelings without judgement and think “wow, that is interesting”
  • Go for a walk outside
  • Do something you love and enjoy – bake, dance, play music in your home
  • Laugh!  My favorite thing to do!   
  • Surround yourself with people who make you happy

So check in on your friends, and check in on yourself.  

If you need help or want to talk to someone, reach out.  In speaking to a client just this week about a highly emotional topic she said, “I felt compelled to share this today as it was on my heart.  Thank you for giving me the space to share what was on my mind.  I feel much better and was able to work through my emotions much faster than if we had not spoken through it” and she left the conversation with a new perspective, a new approach, and a whole lot of acceptance and compassion for herself.   If you can relate this is something you would like to work through and explore for yourself, set up a free discovery call with me!   

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New Year, New Intentions

Happy New Year! 

I feel extremely lucky that my turn in the rotation to contribute to the Hensel Coaching and Consulting email is the first for 2021!   What a way for me to kick start 2021, and “get off the couch” after an extremely restful and relaxing holiday week off!  

Earlier in December, I attended a “Reflect and Intend” workshop with my own coach through our group program (yes, coaches have coaches!).  We began by reflecting on 2020.  Which was quite powerful.

“The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination. Until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life.”

– Iyanla Vanzant

Self-reflection is how we can observe and analyze ourselves in order to grow as a person. 

By understanding who you are now and who you’d like to become, you can identify the steps you need to take on that journey (and set your intentions to help you get there!).  Reflecting upon your own behaviors, noticing patterns, and what thoughts enter your mind in response to events in your world and the world around you allows you to see what you need to work on.  The ability to observe what has happened with love, acceptance, non-judgment, and the desire to learn from your experiences so that you can reflect and begin to make conscious new choices in your future is a beautiful and healing practice.

It is easy for so many of us to look back at 2020 and see just one big dark cloud – all the negative, the hardships and the heartache.  It was a really, really tough year for so many.  But as with anything in life, there were blessings, moments of hope, and things and people to be grateful for – we just may need to dig a little deeper and look a little harder to find them.  In any situation, you can choose what you look at, how you look at it, what you want to focus on, and how you can learn from it.   

I loved taking time to reflect on 2020. 

We often forget how resilient we are, and we sometimes forget all the things we did do and how far we’ve come.  The quote that I have kept thinking of is, “You have survived 100% off your worst days”  If you are reading this, you are here!  You survived 2020.  The good, the bad, and the ugly!  You made it!  And as with anything, each day is a new opportunity to decide how you want to live your life, and how you want to feel.  There is always something to learn from every experience.  Take some time to reflect by asking yourself some questions.  Take time to sit and think about where you felt success, where you didn’t, times where your energy felt depleted or where you felt energized.  What did you learn from 2020? 

The second part of the workshop was about setting intentions.  

An intention is the “mental state representing commitment to perform an action” and will your intentions to the next level is how you feel and what is the energy behind those intentions.  Emotions are energy, and energy is everything!   We need to decide what we want, and believe that we can have it.  As an Energy Master Practitioner who administers the Energy Leadership Assessment (the ELI), the majority of work I do with my clients is around energy.  We focus a lot on how you feel, the energy you are showing up with, identifying limiting beliefs, and creating new beliefs and the feelings we need to feel so that we can achieve our desired results.

Using your reflections from 2020 and knowing where you are coming from will help you gain clarity around where you want to go.  Applying the lessons you learned from 2020 will help you to identify any new results you would like to see for yourself in 2021.  Once you know where you want to focus, aligning your energy behind achieving whatever it is you want is crucial for taking inspired action.   For me,  I am setting intentions on how I want to feel and show up every day and what that looks like.  It starts with a few small new habits that I am implementing in my life.  Small changes will make big results and help you to sustain your energy around doing them and continuing to do them!  

This year, my intention is focused on leading with love (vs fear). 

I know if I can shift to looking at things through a lens rooted in compassion, love, and curiosity I will be able to do so much more (using this lens in those around me, and especially on myself).  Conversely, when I lead with fear, it is ego-based and rooted in judgment, comparison, self-doubt.   Setting this intention and continuing to come back to it will serve me, catching myself when I am not leading with love and choosing to shift will not always be easy. I am ready for the challenge.

I will support this intention by creating some new habits. 

Carving out time and mindfully planning to spend time on these habits will be crucial for my success.  They will include slowing down, connecting with myself and my intention daily, and reflecting on situations and my emotions around things.  I know this practice will be a key area of my growth. 

As with anything, my goal is to consistently create a new habit but I am human.  When I fall off the wagon, I do not beat myself up but am compassionate and get right back on.  When I fall off the wagon too many times, I really do like to spend time reflecting on why, understanding what is really blocking me or holding me back, and that self reflection helps me to re-set intentions and my own expectations.  It is truly a journey!

If you would like to know more about how to reflect and set intentions for the new year, get your own clarity around what you would like to do differently this year, and how you can achieve different results in 2021, please set up a free discovery call.   I would love to help you create a 2021 that feels amazing and for you to achieve the results you want!


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A Reflection on Gratitude

I recently completed my own version of a 21 day challenge on my Kristine Iandiorio Coaching Facebook page. 

I had the idea about a month ago, as I have been practicing gratitude since March and I had started to observe a shift in myself and wanted to share it.  And what better time than leading into Thanksgiving and the holiday season!?!?!  So I figured, “why not?”

So, as with everything, it is important to know and connect with “why am I doing this?”  A few reasons came to mind but a quote by Brene Brown that I had seen recently, really stuck with me, “We are a nation struggling to find joy because we are starving from a lack of gratitude” 

I so often talk to people who are struggling; and I observe it all around me and honestly, have felt it myself more often based on what is happening all around us.  There is so much uncertainty in our world today; we are in the midst of this pandemic which is still impacting our daily lives in a profound way, heading into the holiday season that looks different this year and many of us are missing family and friends.  Also, this was right around election day in the US and there was such heaviness of the emotions and tension that was being felt.  I thought, why not share this practice that has really changed my perspective with others.  If anything, it can bring some joy and new perspective to those who follow me, and it felt good to share something that means something to me.

I’ve always heard that having a gratitude practice is key for happy and successful people. 

Studies show that people who take the time to express gratitude and appreciate what they have been shown to be happier, more successful and more positive.   And in my opinion, it is pretty simple to do, it is just a matter of making time for it.

My gratitude practice consists of a nighttime routine of writing down 3 things I am grateful for. 

I include WHY I am grateful for those things, which helps to connect on a deeper level and really feel my appreciation (“I am grateful for ______ because ________”).   In the past I had just listed all the things I was grateful for, but I really enjoy adding the “because” because it helps me to connect to what I am grateful for on a deeper level and really FEEL it.  You can be grateful for what happened in your day, the people in your life, things that happened in your past that got you to where you are today, and things happening in the future that you are excited for – anything goes and it is always fun to see what you come up with when you sit down to reflect and write.

The thing I love about this is I end my day on a positive, I am looking for the good and what I appreciate in my life, and then I relish in whatever pops up and sometimes spend some time to  journal about it, or just think happy thoughts about it. 

You can personalize your practice and do what works for you.  I know many people who do this in the morning as part of their morning routine!

Full disclosure, starting new habits can be hard, I am human, some days I fall off the habit wagon and forget or neglect my new habit. 

And since I have been doing this since March, I have observed that sometimes, I’ve fallen off for days at a time.  First, I am mindful not to beat myself up about this, because that just leads to negative energy.  Second, I usually notice that I feel “off” for some reason, and when I start to think about why, I realize, “oh I am not doing XYZ!  I was feeling so good when I was doing that every night.  Let me get back on track”  As far as habits go, I think the best example of this is exercise or eating healthy, you notice when you stop that you feel differently!  

So, when I’ve noticed I have fallen off the wagon, I simply set an intention to get back into it.

What helps me is to schedule an appointment with myself on my calendar (setting an actual appointment on your calendar is the best way to do this, time block yourself and commit to your appointments like you would with anyone else!)  This is a great trick for helping you to create any new habit, because it’s easy to forget what we set out to do or the day gets away from us.  I also like to have an accountability partner when trying to commit to something new. 

I work with a lot of my clients on what type of accountability works best for them.  For myself, I will often “sign up” for a challenge with a friend so we can do it together.  For this challenge, I actually put it out on social media and committed to showing up every day.  Here, I had to keep myself accountable but it worked because I didn’t want anyone to call me out if I didn’t post one day and I didn’t want to let myself down by taking the easy way out on the days I just didn’t feel like doing it (because that happens to all of us!)

So, for 21 days, I shared my gratitude for whatever I was feeling in the moment.  I really enjoyed it and it was nice to hear some people who were following me express that they enjoyed it too.  

The interesting thing I have noticed since I started to take time to reflect and look for things I am grateful for, is that I actually have begun to have moments of appreciation throughout my day.  I will pause, and observe something, feel my heart swell and have a moment of appreciation IN THE MOMENT.  I love these moments, because as someone who has lived a life on auto-pilot (which I feel like is so true for so many of us!), I realize that I am able to be present, and to truly not let moments pass me by and it helps my energy level stay positive, and I am ultimately happier and appreciative. 

I have also used ‘gratitude on demand”, and in stressful situations, I look for what I am grateful for in that moment and it can help to shift my energy and perspective.

In coaching, it is all about raising your awareness, so that you are able to CHOOSE how you respond vs. react, CHOOSE what you decide to give your energy to or not, CHOOSE what you want to focus on (positive or negative) … we have a choice in all we do.  We can choose to look for gratitude, to look for what’s good in our life, instead of focusing on the negative or what is going wrong.  The new habit of looking for things in my life to be grateful for has truly helped me be more aware and choose what I want to focus on.

The challenge was a good experiment for me, I enjoyed it and learned some things along the way. 

My clients and I use the word experiment a lot in our coaching.  Life is an experiment, it is always good to try something new or to try a new approach to handling a situation or problem.  This helps a lot as we navigate through life, it helps us to take the pressure off (there is no need to strive for perfection because we are trying something out), and it helps us to be flexible and not tied to an outcome (the idea that you can learn from whatever you choose to do, change your mind, and see what sticks is always a great approach to any new endeavor).  

If you are looking to create a gratitude practice and have any questions, please reach out!  And if you are looking to create some new habits, to shift your perspective, want to feel more joy in your life, or work through something you are struggling with, I would love to chat with you.  Click on this link to set up a FREE discovery call. 

Coaching helps you stick with your goals and provides an accountability partner to support you in achieving them!  

I would love to leave you with some of my favorite gratitude quotes ….

  1. Gratitude turns what we have into enough 
  2. Without gratitude and appreciation for what you have, you will never know true fulfillment
  3. When you are grateful, fears disappear and abundance appears
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A Reflection On Endings

As I sit down to write, I have been thinking of what it means to experience “endings”; things ending, coming to a close, and the period of transitioning to what’s next.  I am thinking about my own experience with endings recently, and noticing the emotions that have been coming up as I navigate through some transitional times.

I just ended my 6 week workshop through HCC, and noticed on the last day, as I signed off, this feeling of emptiness as I thought to myself, “ok, what do I do now?”  The workshop was so fun and fulfilling and yet it consumed my focus and energy for the entire 6 weeks.  I am noticing that I am conditioned to always have my mind focused and always going going going.  To be focused on being “productive” and “busy”, having my worth tied to this idea of “doing”.  I am trying to embrace this space and allow for creativity, for inner guidance and knowing of what to do next versus forcing it. For me, this slowing down, feeling less “productive”, feels uncomfortable.  

Seasons changing also has made me think about endings. 

The warm weather is starting to turn here in NY, and we have been blessed to have spent an amazingly beautiful summer and early fall outdoors.  We have taken full advantage of being able to be socially distanced, outdoors, and see friends.  But that is already starting to change as it gets colder out, and I feel sad to think we now need to go indoors for the next few months which will ultimately result in limited social interactions with friends and family as a result of the pandemic.

While endings always come with new beginnings, I think with all of this happening at once, I am really sitting in the feelings of the shift.  

I am noticing sadness, a loss in identity, some confusion, and ultimately discomfort as I am being forced to change gears, some which I am not so ready to shift.

Part of the process of working through any ending is acknowledging something as an ending, and the shift /disengage from the activities and relationships.  We often are so quick to move to the next thing, to fill our time, and be busy.  For me it’s noticing that I am really uncomfortable to sit in the transition.  I’m working to embrace the stillness, the feelings, the reflections, the discomfort, as I trust it serves a purpose.

Another ending mg mind goes to is my daughter recently graduating elementary school this past June.  And how with every ending comes a beginning, and in September she started Middle School and it has been such a great experience so far.  She has matured a lot over the past couple of months and like anything in life, she is adjusting, navigating, growing and evolving!

Endings can be big or small, they can be relationships, jobs, chapters in our life; some endings we choose and some we don’t, but regardless, they come with their fair share of feelings and thoughts. 

Endings allow us to explore new possibilities, make peace with change, and begin moving forward.  So as I look at my life, my business, the seasons, and whatever is next to end, I am open to observing how I feel, how I want to pause and acknowledge the feelings and what they represent and can teach me, and with new, wiser eyes, look forward with excitement of what’s next. 

Curious about anything you’ve read or want to explore your thoughts, feelings, and how they may be impacting how you show up, schedule a FREE discovery call with me, Kristine by clicking on this link HERE. I would love to dive deeper with you!

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Life Lessons for My Daughters

This week marks the first few days of school for my girls. 

My oldest is entering Middle School and my youngest, 4th grade.  After being home since March, they are excited to be back in the classroom.  And like every other year, September brings along the ending of summer, the end of the beach for our family, and the easy breezy schedule that I love. 

This year, school is different for so many of us, lots to navigate, lots of taking it day by day as we transition back into a new year with lots of unknowns as COVID is still present and has made things look a lot different this year.

As a mom, I have so many emotions and especially with my oldest entering a new school this year, just wanting her to find her way, feel confident, and settle in. 

It is a lot to navigate which got me to thinking, I am always sharing some type of lesson with my kids.  My husband will joke when I start going down that path, “here goes mom, life lesson #547”.  We usually pause, laugh, and then I go on with my lesson because I feel they are important.  

Starting school again always brings up a lot of emotions, a lot of conversations at home about their thoughts, how they feel, and reactions to what is happening to them and what they observe.  So since that was on my mind today as I sat down to write this, I wanted to share some here.  Coincidentally, these lessons are lessons I have been learning and saying to myself as an adult, but they can be applied at any age, so I figure why not start them young!

Here are some of my favorites that seem to be on repeat ….

  1. You may be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches; not everyone is going to love you but those who do will love you hard
  2. Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business so do not take them personally
  3. Comparison is the thief of joy; everyone has their own journey and you have yours so stay in your lane
  4. You never know what someone is going through, be kind
  5. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, and pay attention to when you surround yourself with people who don’t
  6. Use your voice, be your own advocate.  If you need something or something does not seem right, speak up
  7. As yourself, “What can I learn from this?”.. Every experience is meant to teach you something new
  8. You are enough, love who you are – you do not need other peoples validation

I 100% have more lessons (I mean, to get to #547!!!), but these are the ones we have been working on in my house recently.  Hope they empower you and inspire you!  We can do hard things!  

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